Hello Colleagues,
I had a disagreement with my sister recently about how she disciplines her children In this disagreement my sister was not happy about what I was saying. She treats the oldest a lot harder than the other children and she forces them to all go with him when he wants to spend so time with his friends. As children me and my sister did not have a good relationship and now that we are close we see how that was very harmful to both of our lives. Now that my sister has kids she tries to ensure that they are not distant from each other and they are close. In this disagreement I shared my emotions about what she is doing and I also actively listened to her side of the argument. She left the conversation feeling very upset about what I said. I wanted us to come to a conclusion about what she could do better and how I could help but she took it as me saying she did not know how to raise her kids. I am not sure how the conversation got to this but the issue is not resolve. Could anyone help me with this situation?
Hi McKenzie:
ReplyDeleteSisterly love...let me first say that I have 3 sisters so I know all about this here lol. People are always sensitive when it comes to raising children. But if you haven't already, tell your sister that you are only trying to look out for her and her kids. And you would rather address a (potential) problem than to let it get worse and worse. You are not judging her; she's a great mom. You just don't want her to feel bad or reap certain consequences in the long run in case her oldest starts to resent her or whatever he may do because of how he is being treated now. You see McKenzie, it is hard for humans to take correction because we want to believe that we are right all the time. But then that would make us God, and we all know that is not the case. I believe once your sister calms down and reflects on everything, she will be ok. Just pray for her and remain positive. I hope this helps. Thanks for sharing!
Hi McKenzie,
ReplyDeleteOne thing that I've learned about advice. People don't like to listen unless they ask for it. I have a family member that constantly tells others how to live: they need to eat better, exercise more, go to church more, mange their finances better, drink less...and on and on. After listening to that for years, I decided that I was not going to be like that. So when my sister had a baby I vowed I would not say anything unless she asked. And since I had 2 children already, she asked a lot of questions! And I offered her my point of view. Then, like you, I noticed things that I really wanted to address that she wasn't asking about.
The best thing to do is to approach the topic by asking questions. In your case, I may say, do you notice how *oldest child* feels when? Why do you think he feels that way? Etc. Then, before you give your two cents, ask if she wants your opinion. " Do you want to know what I think?" or "Can I offer my perspective?" Then that sets them up to being receptive instead of defensive.
Hope it helps! Good Luck!